Day 30

Today, it ends.

Goodbye, Maths.
Goodbye, Beard.
Goodbye, Undergrad Cethan. You were a prince among men.

Hello,...?

Day 29

The library has a sense of a melacholy today. It's got quite a number of people in it, but they are stragglers, they are tired of the walls of books and are broken by their stretched out patience. They sit and study, as they have done for the last four weeks, knowing but not quite believing that the close is close.

It's so quiet.

It's like an actual library!

Day 28

The Month of The Beard is drawing to a close. Several thoughts spring to mind.

-My beard is not going to fill in before Friday.

-Man, Exam TODAY! at 4.30pm!

-Mad Men ended this week and Reaper ends next week. What will I watch when the exams are over? Outside?

-Mild weather this morning.

-Meh.

Day 27

Do you know who Robert Newton is? He played Long John Silver on a TV show in the 1950s, and more or less invented the "Arr, Jim, Me Lad" voice we imagine Pirates used. I would not mention this but for some reason, I keep hearing about him this week. During the Eurovision, Terry Wogan (Marty doesn't cut it for me.) made a reference to one of the acts who were dressed as pirates. "One for the Johnny Depp fans, or if you're older, Robert Newton."

On Sunday, while studying my books on Linguistics, Robert Newton is mentioned as regards pirate speech.

Yesterday, QI was on. Guess who came up as a subject? Mr. Newton.

If it happens today, I'll start to be concerned.

Day 25/26

As you may of noticed, there was no update yesterday. Time being as hazy as it is, during exam time, I can't quite remember anything dramatic about yesterday.

Today, I'm standing in the library, with a hangover. Woo Exams!

Day 24

In the interests of making learning fun, I will be constructing my Math History around an intrepid mathematician/adventurer who travels the world, solving equations and fighting those that would use maths for evil. I know what you are thinking. This sounds like a maths version of the Relic Hunter. But the twist will be that it's a male adventurer and he fights Nazis.

Sean Patrick Flannery would play him in a TV series I think.

Day 23

Today we face the formidable beast Calculus. So roll Peace By Inches...

Day 22

At the height of exam fever, Companies whom have our best interests at heart, may try to use our distraction to promote new products with free bags of stuff. Today I got one such bag, A Lucozade Alert plastic bag.

Contents:
1 bottle of Lucozade Alert (Which tastes like the urine of someone that subsists entirely on cider and Coca Cola. (Conspiracy theory: Are they selling students' pee back to students?). It also made me feel quite ill, which is a kind of alertness. Well Done!)

4 Coupons for a free lunch at Burger King if you buy another (Dates just got that bit cheaper!)

1 pack of Lucozade Alert Post it notes (That reminds me. I must get more Lucozade alert)

1 Gold card from Hostel World. (No Hostel Booking fees for a year? Sweet!)

1 Veet Page Marker (My pages will know what femininity feels like. Super!)

1 Lucozade Alert bookmark ("I don't have all the energy to finish War and Peace, What will I do? Wait, My bookmark gives me an idea...")

1 leaflet for Gorbys Nightclub's End of Exam Extravaganza (It runs for two weeks but ends the day before I finish my exams. Helpful!)

1 Staedtler Triplus fine liner pen (quite a nice pen too.)

Post Scriptum: Having written it five times, I now see that Lucozade is a stupid word. Top of its crimes, it replaces the "s" with a "z".

Day 21

They say finishing a good novel is like saying goodbye to a good friend. Finishing a module in English isn't quite the same. In addition to new book buddies, you are saddled with jerks of books that you will never want to talk to again afterwards. I'll miss you Watson and Holmes, Ms. D'uberville and Ms. Snowne.

Mary Barton and Kim, we need to talk.

Day 20

Statistics today! Before I listen to the sonorous tones of Mr. Pacino, I shall reveal to you loyal readerwhat studying statistics is like. Imagine you were on a beach in California, the sun is shining, the sand gently warm under your feet. All your life long friends and pets are there and they have organised a barbeque of all your favourite meats, just for you. You are wearing your favourite blue speedo and the girl you love is lying there on the sand, waiting for you.

Then you are told you can't do any of these things, until you have counted all the grains of sand on the beach.

Tomorrow, Victorian Lit!

Day 19

I've got lots of study to do, so today you are getting a very lazy song parody.

I am just a poor BEARD
Though my story's seldom told
I have squandered my resistance
For a pocketful of mumbles
Such are promises
All lies and jests
Still a man hears what he wants to hear
And disregards the rest

When I left my home and my family
I was no more than a BEARD
In the company of strangers
In the quiet of the railway station
Running scared
Laying low, seeking out the poorer quarters
Where the ragged BEARDS go
Looking for the places only they would GROW

Lie la lie...

Asking only workman's wages
I come looking for a SHAVE
But I get no offers
Just a come-on from the whores on Seventh Avenue
I do declare, there were times when I was so lonesome
I took some comfort there

Lie la lie...

Then I'm laying out my winter clothes
And wishing I was gone
Going home
Where the New CORK City winters aren't bleeding me,
Leading me, going home.

In the clearing stands a BARBER
And a RAZOR FOR his trade
And he carries the reminders
Of every glove that laid him down
Or cut him till he cried out
In his anger and his shame
"I am leaving, I am leaving"
But the RAZOR still remains

Lie la lie...

I'm so good, I could be the next Weird Al.

Day 18

It's Sunday, I have to study and it's kinda wet outside. I'm not excited about the possibilities today may hold.

Day 17

There was no electricity in Cork City this morning (THE GREAT BLACKOUT OF 08, some have come to affectionately call it.). It was quite the worry. What if I was not able to give you any beard related progess? I would have had to put it on a placard and run down the streets of Patrick Street. Or maybe I would hire an skywriter to send my message up to the heavens and down to the masses. Perhaps write a letter with today's entry and intructions to copy and send to two friends, expotentially informing everyone.

Then the power came back, and all my fears were allayed and I can finally tell you, O loyal reader.

"beard is mildly itchy."

Day 16

I have no mirror handy for beard description. So today I will be judging it purely by touch.

Under the chin isn't bad. It feels like the piece of material Velcro attaches itself to. It tickles in the centre.

The Chin itself feels more random spaced and the hairs have more bounce (These will be very difficult to shave in 14 days.)

The mustache is limp and lifeless. (I'll never be Magnum P.I., or for younger TV viewers, Richard from Friends. Remember? Monica's older boyfriend? What a gas.)

Sideburns aren't bad. The mutton chops are coming along. May keep them and go for a period BBC drama look.

It's all good.

Day 15

"It is impossible to separate a cube into two cubes, or a fourth power into two fourth powers, or in general, any power higher than the second into two like powers. I have discovered a truly marvellous proof of this, which this margin is too narrow to contain."

Written in the margins of one of his Law books in 1640, Fermat bedeviled mathematicians for centuries upon centuries with this innocent looking statement. The theorem, while true, was very difficult to prove. In fact It wasn't till 1994 that that a watertight proof was made.

The proof is so complex and uses so many areas of up to the moment maths, there is little chance that Fermat actually had a correct proof. But since he gave nothing to prove him wrong and his deservingly strong reputation in Maths, Many still think he may of had some really simple proof

Why I mention this, aside from me being a History of Mathematician, is my desire to be famous with little effort. With this in mind, I'm thinking of going in the Law Library, writing the margins outrageous claims that can't be proven wrong and not back them up in any way, shape or form, but say I could, if I wanted to. This way I can assume years from now someone will prove them for me. After all the speculation, people will think I'm a genius.

Day 14

Two weeks have past. Time flies when one has the soul crushing tedium of study and exams.

Day 13

That's right. It's Exam day. I've listened to Peace By Inches. I'm suitably "Pumped". LET'S DO IT!

Day 12

I've an Exam tomorrow, Wowsers. So naturally I'm preparing by thinking about what I'll do after my last exam, specifically with the beard. If it grows to an acceptable level I can
a)Shave it all off and pretend it never happened.
b)Turn it any kind of trendy facial hair. (Except the mustache, That is a lost cause I'm afraid.)
c)Leave it and maintain this Jesus of Corcaigh look that is beginning to arise.

The only limit is my imagination.

Day 11

If you are reading this that means the internet works and there is still hope. As I type this, I'm in the library, a dark desolute place that houses dusty books, damned souls and annoying people that can't get off their phones. I'm spending my Sunday in this cold secular tomb of knowledge, cold cold knowledge, far from the beauties of the outside world. I miss trees, cats, been clean shaven. The large windows are a curse. They promise the sights of nature, but deliver only madness.

It's been eleven days since this started and I must preserve for nineteen more. God save us all.

(On the plus side, Doctor Who was pretty good last night.)

Day 10

I'm not seeing what's so dynamic about Dynamical Systems. They just lie there on the page, being uninteresting jerks.

Day 9

Why...Haven't...my...exams...started...yet? It is getting to be quite the frustration. I just want to do one, just to hear Peace by Inches, just so I get that warm feeling of "Well, I never have to study Chaos Theory again.", I just want to start.

Beard is looking shabby, but not too shabby.

Day 8

My study advice: If you need a perk up during a dry study period, Don't drink Old Jamaica Ginger Beer. It tastes like that unidentified shot someone gives you on your birthday, minus the alcohol (that said it may work well with whiskey, perhaps a 12 year old Jameson on a Friday evening, but that combination would be unhelpful for study, I imagine).

Beard wise, there has been a surprising lack of itch and it has been fairly consistent in texture. I'm optimistic.

Day 7

Taking a well deserved study break yesterday evening, I went to see Iron Man. While an rather good film, it subverts the norm of film facial hair. The good guy has a goatee. The Goatee traditionally denote the self involved, rich jerk whom most likely spends an inordinate amount of time on "his cellphone". While Tony Stark/Iron Man is all these things, he is also the hero. That's not right. Goatees are supposed to be for European Terrorists and heads of major corporations that attempt to take over the world. It is confusing, especially for those of us that take Hollywood film as accruate representations of the real world.

What's next? Life of prostitution not as fun as Julia Roberts makes it seem?

Day 6

In case people were wondering why I don't put pictures up of my beard growing. I have several reasons.

1. I feel my vivid description would only be deflated by the mundane reality of my slowly growing beard. It's like when you see the film of your favourite book. It only serves to limit your imagination. Many a time I've met someone that saw me and thought "That's it? Why is he wasting his time writing about it?" (I'm guessing)

2. I'm already wasting time writing about it, taking photos would be a bit much.

3. Hair slowly as it grows, does grow constantly. The minute I take a photo, it will be out of date. To do it properly I would need a web cam of some sort, attached to both me and the internet at once.

And there we go.

Day 5

Tomorrow exams officially begin tomorrow (not for me though. Woo!) So good luck everyone.

The beard is showing blondish bits, along the side of the mouth. While originally perturbed by this information, I may be able to turn it in a Hulk Hoganesque handle bar moustache when the exams are over. And who wouldn't enjoy seeing that?

Day 4

Nothing too dramatic happening beard wise. So today, as it's a warm lazy Sunday, suitable only for reading. I will reveal everything I have learned in three years of studying English.

-Every piece of literature in the history of the written word, in every possible language, no matter if it's Moby Dick or Mills & Boon, can be given a Marxist reading.

-The word "Orwellian" means "I've nothing new or interesting to say and I'm bored of this essay"

-The English Department opening hours seem to be determined by shaking a magic 8 ball.

-English is a great subject to study outside, (Maths less so.)

-Just because there is no wrong answer, doesn't mean there is no right answer.

-People overrate starting your essay more than a day before it's due.

-Each May, The average English Student become more confident that no situation in life will require you to be able to write two essays in an hour and a half.

That's pretty much it. I'd reveal my knowledge of Maths but 50% of ye will be angry at the first sight of maths since Leaving Cert and the other 50% will correct my mistakes.

Day 3

I watched Alien last night. Despite past experience, I'm optimistic that I will have Tom Skerritt's beard by the end of this month.

Also why are self destruct sequences as standard in spaceships? I hate to think that at some point in the Future, it becomes a necessity that one has the ability to blow up their transport, if they are so inclined.

Day 2

Promisingly my stubble seems to be a consistent dark colour. Nothing worse than random bits of blonde or red in a man's beard, I tell ya. On the the subject of hair discolourisation, Another sign that Summer is coming, that lock at the front of my head is turning blonde again.

Beard is still not itchy.

Day 1

The first day has unsurprisingly failed to result in an immediate full face bush. On the plus side I went to the dentist this morning, for a cleaning. So if all goes to plan, The brilliance of my white teeth should stand out in my beard, like a stolen pearl necklace in a magpie's nest.

Doesn't itch yet.

Prologue 2008

There are two main signs that Summer draws closer and closer: Exams and Sequels. With that in mind, Tomorrow begins the month of May and Beard Growing. That's right. The Exam Beard Blog returns to save you all from ignorance of my facial hair. For those not reading last year, while partaking in the ancient family tradition of not shaving during the exam month, I decided to document it for reasons best known to my ego. The resulting Blog (that's weblog for short, for any Luddites reading) was a roller coaster of procastination, spelling mistakes, whining and Al Pacino speeches. Popular demand was so great, I'm bringing it back.

If you wish to join me, There are two rules.

1. Don't Shave.
2. Before every exam, you must listen to the following speech.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rFx6OFooCs

So starting tomorrow, I ain't shaving, till the 30th.